The Story So Far

  • I'm a writer, photographer, consultant. Age 51. My father was a reporter and editor. Then he became something other than that. He died February 8, 2010 at 87. He was widowed in 2003. His decline started a little earlier. His sister died of Alzheimer's.

May 2011

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Hi Alan, I understand the anger-grief connection very well. I went through it when my brother died so unexpectedly 2 1/2 years ago. At the time I didn't have the insight that you have. I just flared up at everyone and anyone. I finally got myself connected with a counsellor and it really did help to talk it out. We also have "grief groups" out here in
Colorado. They give you a chance to talk to others experiencing their own grief. You will get through it, but be kind to yourself and talk to the grief counsellors. Best wishes always, Cathy

Al B

I am and will remain your friend, mischaracterizations and overreactions notwithstanding. Live long and prosper.

Alan G. Ampolsk

@ Al B - check your e-mail.


Loved your post. I haven't read your blog much....I'm from the Alz message boards....but decided to take a look today.

But I have to admit that I admire your decision to honestly communicate your feelings on FB, even when it causes you stress. I also have deep political divisions with some 'friends'....and sometimes I feel like a coward when I don't confront them about the differences.

During the Obama campaign, I did finally get frustrated with yet another anti-Obama smear email, and did a 'Reply All' to a large group of people I mostly did not know. And I did receive 1 Thank You, from someone else on the distribution list who completely disagreed with the Sender. Fortunately, I guess I responded tactfully enough, and my relationship with the Sender is still intact.

I recently placed my dear mother in a secured dementia unit, and I'm terribly sad, though not guilty at all. So I finally had time to call a nearby university Research Clinic, which is looking for 'normal' volunteers for their research. I know it will make me feel less powerlessless against this disease. Maybe something like this may help to ease your grief ?


thanks for this. a little balm for the soul. my husband and i recently started down the rabbit hole of care taking. my father and law and mother in-law are both dying from cancer--at the same time!!! my husband and i were shuttling back and forth in the hospital between their rooms--literally running down the hall to make sure not to miss the doctor's visits. crazy! i told a friend today: i'm numb and irritable. then i said no..i'm enraged and i think i'm about to explode. i told my therapist last week that i'd discovered a new emotion and it was exhaustion. reading your blog is my first (accidental) care giver support activity. i found you because i had googled "can you cut seroquel in half?" father in law ran out of his liquid seroquel even though his friends told us he had plenty. now he's out... thanks and best to you and your family. h


Oh wow. I just ran across your blog and can relate to some of your feelings. I gave up my life back East 2 and 1/2 years ago to come to California and live with my brother, who had cancer. Had a 4-month detour into taking care of my father, who had worse cancer. Father died and I moved back in with my brother. My brother died last week. I'm so exhausted I barely know what day it is, and what you wrote about the stages of grief consisting of exhaustion, paperwork and more exhaustion -- that's exactly it. I want to "get back to my life" but it's hard to imagine what that means, in my current condition. If this is the state I'm in after 2 and 1/2 years, I can't imagine what it's like to go through seven. Hats off to you and thanks for blogging.

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